It sounds like it isn't a great relationship, regardless of whether he's drinking or not. Is there a reason you feel you must continue to hang in there, in spite of the fact that the relationship is painful to you? I know you've been with him a long time, but sometimes relationships just fail, even when alcoholism isn't in the picture. You aren't obligated to wait until he drinks again. He might never do that--he might just continue to behave the way he is right now. Meanwhile, you're unhappy and not getting what you need and deserve in a relationship.