skwgtb

My boyfriend of 11 years has been sober for 3 years. I am very concerned because I see him slipping back into some of his old habits. I have tried to address them with him but he gets very defensive. After 3 years, he has still only gone through step 3 of the program. He was told by his sponsor that most people do take some to complete step 4 because it is complicated and difficult. So I've tried to be understanding. However, he has made no attempts to do so.

Over the past 8 months or so, I see regression in him. He has returned to some old habits that scare me. I find him using me as a doormat again. If he's had a bad day, he takes it out on me by snapping at everything I say. He lies about things both big and small. He is very critical of me. I feel like I can not do or say anything right. When I try to address these issues, he becomes defensive and reacts as if it is all my fault. Everything is about him again. If I try to talk about work or other problems, he doesn't want to hear. Everything going on with him is more important than things going on with me. The whole "center of attention" thing has returned. He is making self-destructive decisions again as well. He has an old girlfriend who has never been anything but bad news for him and he knows it. He is back in touch with her via Facebook. I know for a fact that nothing has happened between them but he always used her to hurt other people and used his drinking to hurt her. This is the first time he's been back in touch with her since sobriety. And she is once again trying to cause problems in our relationship. He knows it but doesn't seem to care. He is down a destructive path and it scares me. Both for us and for him.

I acknowledge that over the past year we both became distant from each other, it is not all his fault. I went through a period where some medication I was on made me a little difficult to live with but nowhere close to what I went through with his drinking. Now, this situation with his ex has made me revert back to old, bad habits as well. Paranoia, constantly nagging him about where he is and who he is talking to.

He has been talking to his daughter (24 years old) about our problems but won't sit down and have a mature conversation with me. It turns into the same ridiculous, childish bickering that we would go through when he was drinking. I do believe a major reason for this regression is because he is not working the program. I have found bringing that up only makes him angrier. I would love to speak to his sponsor and explain to him the things I am seeing but I know I can not do that. I know for a fact he is not drinking again but I fear he will. What do I do?