Hello, strugglinghelp--glad you found us here at SR. As others have already said, it sounds like you have waaaay too much on your plate right now, and an awful lot of it isn't yours to deal with to begin with. Here are some links you might find helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html This is some general info that is good to bear in mind.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...oundaries.html This will help you learn how to set good boundaries.
http://www.al-anon.org/gso-uk-eire/4...tional-service This is the link for Alanon in the UK, not sure if you've already checked it. There are also online and phone meetings:
http://www.al-anon.org/electronic-meetings And of course we are always here at SR for you.
Wishing you strength and clarity, struggling.