What you speak of carmen is textbook gaslighting and "crazymaking"
It is a form of manipulation used by addicts and their enablers to hide the addiction, and pretend everything is ok. To be brutally honest... It is all simply a lie. You are not the crazy one at all. They are stuck in the insanity of addiction. They really do believe what they say of course, but if I really believed that the sky was neon green and the grass was pink would that make it true!? No! It would mean that my perception of reality was distorted for one reason or another.
There is nothing anyone can do to make another person use or stay sober. I'm sure that you are not a bad wife. There are hundreds of people who have so called "bad spouses" and they don't get high at all. There always seems to be a scapegoat doesn't there? There was a time when my AHs mom blamed me and I blamed her and AH blamed all of us. It's very common. It took a very long time for us to blame him for his own choices to use, and even longer for him to admit it.
Innocent conversations with other girls huh? Well no you are not crazy at all there either. A good husband would respect you enough to limit interactions with other young floozies if it made you uncomfortable.
We do spend so much time talking about them instead of talking about us don't we? That's the nature of it I suppose. A loved ones addiction can be a wonderful distraction from our own issues.
It's ok to feel sad and lonely, just don't unpack and live there. You are never alone. You have us remember?
I can relate to feeling unattractive sometimes. There is and old saying that says:
"If you only washed the outside of a cup, the inside will still be dirty, but if you wash the inside of the cup, then the outside will become clean as a result."
This means that outward beauty really does mean nothing if our souls are in poor shape, but the more we work on repairing and cleaning up our heart, then it will show outwardly. This of course takes time. I started very very slowly. I remember the first day in a long time that I got a pedicure just because I wanted one. I took a bath and read a book. Baby steps of course.
I'm sorry for the long post. Your thread really moved me. Hugs
Lily