vanharten

My story, copied from the Pot and Me thread:

Hello everyone, thank you for sharing. I can relate with most of your experiences: the false sense of contentment, the visiting dangerous places just to score pot, the destruction of relationships, and yes, even the skimming off the top of a bag when I'm the one tasked with rolling joints.

My love affair with weed started in high school but escalated out of control at university. I was doing a whole lot of other drugs at this time but my journals from this period only cites pot as being a major issue.

After university I lived in Ireland for a while where I overdosed on heroin. It was a great awakening of sorts and when I came out of it, I was motivated to start getting my life in order.

I went to work in Korea and for all of 2 and a half years I was hard drug and weed free. I drank a lot though, incredible amounts, but I was extremely productive during this period.

When my ex-girlfriend and I returned to South Africa, that's when the weed cravings started to hit! I was around my old friends again, and going to the same old places. I relapsed and tried to hide it from my gf, but it was a stressful time - I was waiting on a visa to go to Prague, and her family had just relocated to Germany, so we were kind of in limbo. I couldn't get a job because I wasn't sure when the visa would be granted, and I wasn't doing anything constructive.

It all came to a head on a wine tour we went on. I was so sick of all the lies, and I was just so disappointed in the situation. Drunk, I lit a joint in front of her and that was the end of us.

I relocated to Prague to attend film school. Conveniently on the exact same day when they decriminalised drugs in the Czech Republic! I knew that I shouldn't be smoking, but the novelty of it almost being legal excited me.

I did good things in Prague, but I know deep down that I could have applied myself more. There was one occasion that stands out: me sitting on the couch for a solid 2 weeks, stoned and content, playing Playstation and not leaving my flat during this time. I had things to do, I just chose to smoke weed.

I returned to South Africa and instead of fighting my addiction, I chose to live with it. Basically trying to be a functional addict. But I can't delude myself anymore. The weed has given me nothing over the years. All it's done is give me stress and erode my confidence. It really annoys me that I cannot get over it. There's nothing worse, in my opinion, than saying you're going to do something then failing because of your own weakness. And I have failed over and over and over again.

It's even more annoying when people dismiss weed as something that is not addictive, or is easily kicked. I'm going in to day 3 now, and this time I will prevail. I've had enough.
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