Hi there, and welcome!
"Rules" don't work well for adults. We can't control what other adults do. What we CAN do, though, is to make some good, healthy boundaries for ourselves.
Boundaries may SOUND like rules, but they are actually very different. A "rule" is "You are responsible for clearing the table and running the dishwasher." A BOUNDARY is "I know he's capable of clearing the table and running the dishwasher, so I'm not doing it any more." Another boundary would be to say that you don't have time to drive him to his meetings, so he will have to ask for a ride from people there. That's very common in AA groups, and usually other people are happy to give someone a ride. He can also figure out how to get to his appointments.
The thing is, he's an adult and he is the one responsible for managing his recovery. You can't do that for him.
Your kids (and yourself) need to be your first priority. Have you been to Al-Anon? I know that seems like one more "task," but it's something you can do for yourself. Some locations have AA meetings and Al-Anon meetings at the same time. I found Al-Anon to be a real lifesaver for me when I was in my relationships with alcoholics.