CarmenLove

Hi,

I posted here for the first time back in October when I found out my husband had picked up a heroin addiction. It was a very short period of time that he was using when we stayed back at his family home, and when I found out was when we were moving house to a new area. He didn't tell me I found out.

However then he quit cold turkey and ended up in hospital.

Then he went into recovery and was attending SMART meetings and seeing a drugs worker.

I knew when I married him that he used heroin many years ago however I thought that was in the past (I got the impression he had been clean of heroin for years).

When we met he was a very heaver drinker, and I refused to move ahead with the relationship while he was drinking like that.

He stopped drinking for a year. Then we got married.

However after we were married more stuff came to light, like that he had only come off methadone a few years ago. Recently I have come to suspect that he has always had some kind of addiction, and that he just switched substances, except possibly for 8 months last year when we were traveling when I don't think he would have been able to get anything (although of course I do not know for sure).

The thing is he is not mean or abusive or any of those things. In fact he is very loving. Which makes it kind of hard, especially when I read some of the stories on here of what some people's spouses do when addicted. Our finances did suffer, however he is not a person who doesn't work... he works.

However after his relapse to heroin the trust in our relationship was shot to bits and I became codependent and unhealthy. I was suspicious, angry, resentful and anxious. I found it hard to get on with my business and my health began to suffer. I didn't like who I was being and I didn't trust him at all.

I also suspected that he was using something again, although I could not prove it. I decided to trust my gut rather than him this time.

So about 4 days ago I told him we needed to separate and I left.

However I really miss him. I'm feeling so sad and I didn't want it to end this way.

Trying to be strong and remind myself that this is the best thing.

We also have a dog, who belonged to him before, and so I have had to leave the dog as well. This is heartbreaking too, and I miss the dog terribly too. Sometimes I feel concerned about them both. I used to walk the dog while he was at work. My ex did always look after the dog, but it still feels bad.

I would love some reassurance or comforting words.

Thank you.