Bella,
I am so sorry that your heart is hurting. Going no contact doesn't make things hurt less, I don't think. Maybe it doesn't complicate things, but I think it leaves your heart in a constant ache.
I can relate. I hold things in, except occasionally I will share here. Like today, I shared some of it, because if I didn't , I think my heart would burst from sadness and the loneliness of it all. It did help me, to share.
I still struggle with feeling like there must be something I can do. I think that the Serenity prayer is needed in my case, but the wisdom is slow in coming.
hugs to you. I know how hard it is to go to work and function fully, too. That really stinks.
You are in my prayers, as well as your son.
hugs
chicory