Thanks guys. I have actively been writing in my journal about twice a day since February, before I was even on this site. It seems to help for the time being. In recent news, I received a manipulative text message that caused me to respond (ugh, what a reactionary.)
He says that the lack of passion in our relationship is ironically overwhelming. When I ask what he means by that he says that "there was no fight" and no struggle for the love that was ours.
I responded, irritated and angry with, Was I supposed to fight? Fight feelings of inferiority and neglect over the power of alcohol? Fight your feelings to pursue attention from other women? Those things are well beyond my control. He responds with take care of yourself.
Still very confused...and I want to call to clarify what the hell he means. But I will save the trouble
I'm OK for the time being, but if I keep reading these messages over and over I worry that I may end up reaching out. DARN THIS. Can it be in past already?