Your post really resonated with me ... I have been beating myself up for years because I couldn't get my drinking under control but I could manage and even excel in other areas of my life. So many nights promising myself I was quitting ... and then the next day came and I drank again. Or I was so sick I spent a day in bed but was right back at it the following day. It was emotionally debilitating. I lost any sense of self pride. A lot of mirror time staring at the bloated, red faced, exhausted, disheveled stranger looking back at me. You have to say enough is enough eventually. You must.