Changing perspectives
I'm always curious about how things change in sobriety and what is ahead of me, so here is a 135 day sobriety perspective for newcomers. Hopefully it gives you some encouragement and support, keeping in mind that recovery can be different for all of us.
Alcohol continues to slowly lose its grip. Sobriety is starting to feel like a natural way to live. I don't walk around actively thinking about "not drinking" all the time like in earlier days; but things like television ads, walking by a liquor store, or seeing other people drink do still remind me I'm intentionally sober. I'm starting to forget what alcohol tastes like and what the effects feel like. Once in a while I still get cravings and they can be strong, but when I stop and think about it I don't even really know what I'm craving. I've started to realize that I'm the sober one; my AV is not. When cravings come the sober me can sit back patiently and watch the AV run through its program and then we move on when the tantrum runs its course.
My sense of sobriety is changing. It's no longer novel and driven by sheer enthusiasm or the motivation of bad memories all rolled into a roller coaster of emotional ups and downs. The need to understand and figure it all out is being replaced by a calm, quiet commitment that strengthens even as the alcohol starts to fade. I no longer feel the need to do this; I want to do this because it's the best life for me.
I'm starting to feel like I'm getting the returns on the work I've put in. Practice does build mastery. Playing the tape forward really does work. Spilling your most deeply held secrets to a sponsor or friend who will sit with you while you sob through the pain opens up a new path forward. The discipline of following your plan even when you are sick and tired of "doing sobriety" reshapes your mind over time so that a whole lot of intentional doing is turned into an automatic new way of being.
Okay that's enough. I have a long way to go yet in my own journey and can't even imagine what all might lie ahead, but just this far I'm pretty confident in saying that if you stick with this you aren't ever going to regret it.