It's funny. When I look back over 3 years ago at how things ended with my AXGF, I've emerged from it in one piece, and largely trauma free.
Mind you, I had a lot of help. My clinician is also an addictions specialist, so she gave me an education on addiction. She also started me on the path to learning about Borderline Personality Disorder. Finally, Al Anon was huge in terms of me learning how to reclaim my sanity.
When the day came...when it ended, and my AXGF was at her Borderline worst, I was hurt, but remarkably calm. And that's because I knew exactly what was happening. The awful things she was saying about me had no meaning. None of it was true. So I simply decoupled from it, and began the process of healing.
I realize that not everyone can do what I did. Everyone is wired differently and some are more susceptible to trauma than others. There have been times I've been traumatized for different reasons, and I carry that trauma to this day.
By temperament and by education, I'm a logical, pragmatic man. Being an engineer, I looked at my AXGF as a wildly oscillating, unstable system. Geeking out, I can even describe her mathematically
y(t) = sin(2*pi*f*t)*cos(2*pi*f*t)*exp(2*a*pi*f*t)
-- where a is a positive number.
The fact that she was wildly oscillating and unstable -- an addict and a Borderline -- had nothing to do with me. The garbage that came out of her mouth and her irrational actions had nothing to do with me. So what I learned is we shouldn't allow other people -- specifically addicts -- to have any say regarding our own self worth. We determine our self worth. We nurture our own self worth, through our choices and our actions. We don't give the addict the power to do that for us.
YG...in time, you'll come to this point, too. It'll be on your timetable and schedule. And when that day comes, and you understand all of this, you'll be OK.