sobergirl77

Hi everyone.

I'm no stranger to these parts, or AA, or sobriety. I am 37 1/2 as of March 28th, have been a practicing alcoholic since sometime in 2006 (although my mother drank vodka when I was in the womb, for 5 months); I've appealed to these forums multiple times when in very dire circumstances and have received a tremendous amount of help, for which I am grateful for.

I was not a true alcoholic until 2006. Before that, I had a cutoff point, did not ever want to get drunk, etc. All that changed in the year.

So now: I was sober from Jan 2014-Aug2014. Over 7 months. I relapsed. Unlike in previous years, I was not making money. So, I turned to the 'poor man's alcoholic substitute: mouthwash.

I won't detail what I've gone through since August. The horrors are better left in the past. I used to turn to wine or vodka in relapses; but since then, it's been... horrific mouthwash. For the most part. Mouthwash causes horrific vomiting and other problems, but, being an alcoholic, I took/take what I could/can get. Right now, I'm stuck on unflavored mouthwash, the most harsh kind but without all those 'minty' chemicals. (Trust me, I know how insane this is.)

Now, in the new Spring 2015, I want desperately to become sober again. I'm tired of mouthwash, it's killing my liver and other organs, I deserve better. Many reasons.

I posted here in Dec 2014 for help. Unfortunately I did not get help at the hospital and had to taper my own self off, yet again, for the thousandth time. Despite paying my own way at hospital for the years prior without insurance, this time, I was treated like a leper.

I have not been able to get off completely. The extreme binge-drinking 'send me to the hospital to detox' persona has thankfully not re-emerged. YET.


I want help, I want off the damn alcohol once and for all. I was in AA for 4 years. IT DID NOTHING FOR ME. It made me want to drink more, after almost every meeting. I am extremely spiritual, I believe and live by God. I'm not an athiest.


How on earth can I get help?

I'm in Waynesboro, VA, USA right now. I looked up local meetings - nobody answers phones for the local number. I have no ride to meetings here. Back in Tulsa, OK, I was used to someone always answering the 24/7 number. I do want to attend a meeting and reconnect with my fellow alcoholics. I need help - I'm not so stupid to not see this. I'm not 100% sober, for months now, I've managed to 'skirt' the limits. I live with people and have things to do on a daily basis so I can't be drunk, ever. But I WANT help. I need off this stuff, need help. Can anyone offer a solution, or a start to one?

Thanks.