I find it interesting that we both have the same feelings, yet a different story. My xah came back from a year and half disappearance like he just came back from a vacation. I feel he has no idea or can't accept the pain and destruction he has created. I find this denial very powerful, perplexing and unacceptable.
In fact, he was a no call no show in Dec, strong armed me for visitation Christmas and then canceled, and just canceled visitation last weekend. This Friday (out of left field) I get an angry threatening email that it is obvious that I will not be giving him unsupervised visits anytime soon and that we should probably go to court. I told this to 4 friends. They all burst out laughing. His has such a disoriented reality. So, I called his bluff. I told him my concerns, how it takes time and gave him mg lawyers name and number. I said that I would prefer to work it out together, but you want to go back to court, bring it. I stood up to him this time. The past 2 times I tip toed and gave him what he wanted. I fear that this is how he thinks he can get what he wants from me. You see I don't want to fight and try to keep things calm, but in doing so I created a monster. After I stood up to him I felt confident and free. I don't want to go to court, and I don't have the money. But, there are certain things I refuse to back down from when it concerns the well being of my son.
I also have the gut instinct that he is starting to use again. I think he canceled last weekend because he was using. I think he sent the anger email because he has a drug induced mind.
I think the hardest part when dealing with an addict is that they are not rational. We try to talk, compromise and basically act like adults. It is shocking, baffling and disappointing when we do this because in return we are basically dealing with a spoiled 4 year old who just got their lollipop took away, and are pissed off. There is no rationalizing. It is very difficult to remember. The are in an altered state.
So, kiddos to you for setting a strong boundary. It isn't easy. But definitely needed. Stay strong and don't give in. I gave in 2 times and created a monster!