Selfishness
Hello-I am new to this forum. I recently told my spouse to move out after finding black tar heroin in his vehicle. This was after several years of attempts at sobriety- first methadone clinic and outpatient care, then another relapse after less than a year. We have an elementary age son and I told my husband I was done and he needed to leave the home which he did.
I'd suspected he was using a few weeks prior and tested him-but he passed.. later he admitted my suspicions were right and that he faked the urine test.
He's put us into debt with his inability to help support the family and his spending. He borrows money from his mother constantly.
Even now, with a month (seemingly) clean, when he speaks he only talks about himself..how his back hurts or how gross the sober house is.
I believe he is in total denial of the hole he's dug himself and how he's torn apart the lives of his family.
I told him tonight that before I could even consider maybe having him move back he needs a minimum of one year of sobriety and time to prove to me he is worth considering staying married to- to show he can hold a job and be a partner and most importantly stay sober for a longer period of time.
I could tell he was shocked.
Once you are an addict- is your brain forever altered to selfishness even after you become sober? I wanted to explain this is to protect our child but also so I don't have to go through the pain again but he heard none of that.