In general terms, I finally drove off my closest friend. She is not "gone" per se, but has reached a limit on how much I can lean on her. I get that. My problems need to be addressed by a professional (I was seeing a therapist but he moved to another state). Time to find another one... but I have trust issues and it takes a LONG time for me to feel comfortable enough to even discuss anything.
Building a relationship with a therapist takes some time too. I am in a "crack" if you get the meaning.