40 and here we go
As many others I am sick of my drinking cycles, I would class myself as an extreme binge drinker, 2-3 times per week maybe. Well I 'was' as I've recently hit the big 40 and I just want to get off the wheel.
Celebrated with friends, got steaming drunk on the day before and continued drinking on my 40th from early morning until late evening. Next day, awful, withdrawals, sweats/chills, anxiety, feelings of going crazy, detachment. Never agains vowed.
4 days later and a drink after work alone turned in to several drinks (mixed) and little recollection. Next morning knew I wouldn't survive work so called in with some bull excuse about an emergency and spent the day feeling I was going to die, racing heart, sweats, that crazy feeling. 3 doses of diazepam and decided this is the time in my life I need to kick this for good. I can't just have one drink. I'm jealous of my friends that nearly always turn their nose up at the offer of a drink while I'm sitting in the pub working out how many I can have without totally ruining plans for the day.
I hate the depression too, last night's after-binge effects have gone but now I feel depressed and alone. I've got one final test this weekend, a friend is dropping by for a late celebratory night, they intend to get very drunk, I'm usually their drinking buddy but I'm planning on abstaining. I've not told them this yet but I plan to substitute for fizzy water. I've invited a tee-total guest who knows I want to knock this on the head and asked they 'baby-sit' me to ensure I don't succumb. I think this is a good idea as I know on my own I would just allow myself one more blow out which would invariably lead to a weekend of withdrawals (I seem to get them so easily nowadays whereas in my younger years, a hangover was just a hangover).
Well I'm wishing myself luck and I'm pleased I found this forum for support going forward.