i understand the need to maintain a certain awareness of where one might be attempting to divert responsibility as oppose to face up to the idea that we are culpable for every choice and every action that we enact, and i think that it's important that regardless of excuse, we own that responsibility as something we have done, whether coerced or under the influence of a substance. even if there are extenuating circumstances, if we are directly involved in an event that has consequences, if for no one else but ourselves, owning our part has an important impact on developing beyond the incidence. this doesn't necessarily mean blaming ourselves. i don't think blame and responsibility are always mutually inclusive, which is a major confusion.
however what makes me mildly uncomfortable here is the identified feelings of separate persona which for me is a massive indicator of dissociation which is often hugely involved in addiction and under-diagnosed. I am diagnosed personally with dissociative identity disorder which means that my addiction problems are very intensely tied up in traumas that have been segmented into parts of my mind that i've been disconnected from, particularly from childhood, and the distortion that comes from the idea of 'multiple personalities' from common media has made it very difficult for those experiencing ptsd and related identity splitting to seek the appropriate support. I am not suggesting that this is what you experience but the dissection from yourself and the individual who takes over while drunk is so, so commonly reported by those with dissociative issues that it lights up alarm bells in me and i felt like i should bring that to your attention, in case it's an option you haven't explored. This doesn't imply like some worry that one has an excuse to avoid responsibility for events and actions that occur during dissociated states- i have endeavoured throughout my experience to own everything done, as one might while entirely inebriated and blacked out (dissociated states can be shockingly similar to alcohol blackouts)... but for me it's about identifying where these traumas lie and where they have caused mental splits and identity fractures that echo this sentiment so much i simply couldn't not offer this as something to consider.
I have several identity states who regularly take control and have done so for a long time, differing in speech and cadence and ways of relating to the world as conscious beings. They are all me, while separate, but only due to trauma barriers (some with DID argue they are individual entities, i disagree) ... often addiction emerges as a form of one split mental persona attempting to take control of an uncontrollable situation.