Thank you all for your kind replies.
awuh1 - I was making good progress in AA, with a sponsor and working the steps. Then infidelity, divorce battle, parenting crisis, moving out etc - (I'm not saying I'm justifed) I lost the plot, mainly because I became angry, depressed and more than a bit psychotic. If I'd had better sobriety then I would have got through this, but I didn't.
All of those excuses are well past their sell-by date now.
My sponsor lost his wife, a while back, I took on too much stressful work, and for both our sakes I called it a day.
I know AAs with good sobriety, stick with the winners, as they say.
If I get 'back in the boat' it'll be with full commitment, but until a few days ago I didn't realise there are alternatives.
I am going to take it easy - and discovery what I can about secular 12 step recovery and other alternatives, carefully choose a path that is right for me
Yes, I'm feeling weak right now, which is why a 'know nothing' (who I have helped a great deal) should not bother me, but did rattled my cage yesterday.
I really appreciate you all taking the time to help me to find perspective,
Thank you.