Confusion is often a sign of growth, J, or at least an opportunity for growth.
Many years ago after my divorce, I had sex with me ex-wife several times, even though she'd moved away to D.C. We even spent a few weekends together. Such things are probably more common than we imagine. I was drinking at the time, and combined with our get-togethers, things only got worse for me. My heart was breaking over and over again, and I only increased my drinking during that time. It got so bad, that it eventually lead to my getting sober for twenty five years.
It's good that you're making yourself available for therapy. I imagine that recent events will stir up some very powerful feelings for you, but turning to the bottle for relief is not a solution.