I went to another meeting last night. Two people there had been drinking that day and shared with the group. The outpouring of love and appreciation for them was overwhelming. I haven't shared yet, for now it helps just to be there.
I skipped the gym (been having some hip issues and lagging in sleep) and went home. My daughter (18) was there (she doesn't know about the incident) and we chatted for awhile until she went back to her mom's. I was glad to see her and gave her a big hug before she left. She's very comfortable with my wife.
My wife fixed dinner and she had a glass of wine. As we ate, she kind of unloaded on me about the incident and aftermath. I felt defensive at first, but explained that I know it was horrible and the first step I can take right now is to simply not drink and continue to get guidance. She was clearly upset that I didn't want to engage on the subject beyond apologizing. Her daughters, age 15 and 13 are scared of me now. She is seeing a counselor today regarding how to move forward with them. She does not want them to internalize the message that what happened was acceptable.
I went to another bedroom to go to sleep. My wife came in and said she didn't want to sleep alone, so I could come in bed with her but no touching. I hesitated, but went back to the bedroom. In the middle of the night she snuggled tight to me and was very affectionate.
We had a good discussion this morning about alcohol and how it has negatively impacted our relationship. My family are drinkers as well and there have been negative incidents/drama with them as well involving booze. I told her my worst nightmare was the therapist telling her she needed to divorce me. She doesn't want to, but the priority is her girls and I understand.
Going to another meeting tonight, then hopefully gym and I will probably stay with a friend because my wife will have her daughters. One day at a time indeed.