Thanks for all your replies. I recognise myself in all of them.
It needs to be this time. I'm frustrated with it. It's like when things are going right I self destruct.
I cannot get out of bed. I'm 3 days in bed. 3 days of not eating, apart from some toast. The place is a mess. I just feel a dead weight.
There's aa tonight or Friday. Not sure if I'd get to the one tonight. I need to get back to work. Or I'm fvcked. This is bad.