I agree with Dee. A few innocent beers with neighbors would turn into me blacking out, waking up with bruises on my shins as I apparently fell up the stairs on my way to bed.
Re-enter shame, remorse and humiliation in my life? No thanks. I no longer see death when I look on the mirror.
I am not trying to make this post about me, but trying to let you know I understand. I fantasize. Warm weather with a beer in hand sounds amazing, until I remind myself where that road always leads. Remind yourself of the same thing and stay strong.