I was just talking to my bf and he thinks that I can drink occasionally... he did not enjoy the anhedonia I experienced near the end of my period of sobriety. I wasn't easy to live with... I pulled away from him and he got the brunt of my irritability. He also didn't understand why our sex life, which had been good, just fizzled away and how I could lose my interest. He thinks that as long as I'm choosy about the situations that I drink in and don't fall back into daily drinking that all will be ok. BUT he is not an alcoholic and simply doesn't understand when I say that I can't just have one or two. I'm better off to have none than start and try to stop.
When I first quit I felt great! It was so good to not have that poison in me all the time and not wake up with hangovers.... but as time when on I started feeling worse and worse and so tense sometimes. I was losing interest in everything and not answering the phone when it rang, not even calling people back or responding to texts. I just didn't care. I had zero fcuks to give. But winter is almost over and that was a big factor..... now that the sun is back maybe I won't go to such a dark place again.
I just don't know. I'm sober today and as long as most days are that way then at least there's a bunch of harm reduction.