For, I'm so sorry. Your post sounds so very familiar. Gentle hugs, if OK. Lexie's idea of calling a rape crisis center or DV shelter to talk is a good one. I called after I realized what AXH did was rape; calling helped so much. I'm still working through the book Real Rape, Real Pain by Louise McOrmond-Plummer. I can't recommend it enough, but I will also say that it's helped to have a counselor to help me process everything that comes up.