I realize I'm not yet detached enough to make a firm committed decision to avoid some of the pain of seeing him go. I've read on some other threads that the family member tells the A to go and secretly hopes that they'll say, "No, I love you. I'll get help because our relationship is more important." That pretty much doesn't actually happen, but I'm still at that stage. Highly unrealistic, but that's where I've been. Although looking at the back of his head across the room as he has pretended to work for the last 5 hours is guiding me over to the "leave" side a little.