((haennie)) - I'm so sorry for what you are going through
For two + years, I was also a caregiver. I mentioned my desire to work with people with dementia, and my first "client" had alzheimers, as did my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th.
My first guy quickly became my loved one. His daughter had had caregivers in for over a year before I came into the picture. I heard of the horror stories of how he would kick them out, scream at his daughter "I Don't NEED any help!!!".
By the time I came along, he was begging me to marry him, move in, never leave. Five minutes after I left, he would tell his daughter "no one has been here".
He made me want to pull out my hair more than a few times. He also made me laugh until I had tears rolling down my face.
He KNEW that he was losing his mind. He'd been an airline pilot, was very upset that he couldn't remember things. It broke my heart, but I found out that with his memory being so short, we could get past the rough times.
He died a little over a year ago, and I now rent his house. I take care of his cats, having lost his dog and horse to illnesses that were beyond help. He had this thing about light bulbs, there must have been 50 or more in this house.
To this day, when a light goes out, I smile and I know he's grinning from Heaven at me.
I'm sorry, don't mean this to be all about me. I just know that dementia goes through phases, and what you see today, may not be the same a couple of weeks from now.
Yes, it was expensive for his daughter to have caregivers for her dad, and she went through a few bad ones (one stole a lot of money). However, she ended up with me and a friend of mine that worked for the same agency, and we both ended up working "off the clock" as we could spend more time with him and it benefited us all.
Dementia is hard to deal with. You want to point out the facts, only to hear them come up with some off the wall story of how something came to be.
I see my dad, at 75 years old, starting to forget things. Because of what I know, I worry "OMG, is this the start of dementia?!?!" I don't know. I pray that if it is, that what I have learned will help us both walk through it.
What I learned from my dear Mr. D is that "proof" doesn't matter. I could show him pictures, signatures, whatever. He was a smart man, despite the dementia. He would ask me "and how do I KNOW you just took that picture? I wasn't there".
I pray that you and your dad get through this with love and compassion. I also hope that you know that getting frustrated is OKAY. It hurts to see someone you love go through this.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy