"it seems like your identity is more tied up in the concept of marriage"
You're right. It is.
I remember being so embarrassed to use the words "ex-husband" & "single mother" & "the kids are at their dad's apartment."
I am a caretaker, I have spent my whole existence taking care of others. My ex husband never even poured his own coffee. I was a homemaker for 13 years and I had nothing else but an identity as a wife & mom. I went to private school as a child and when I reconnected with my friends, they were doctors & lawyers & scientists.. I had nothing but an old bachelor's in psych that I never even used. I felt like a long marriage was all I had going for me.
And my parents have been married 48 years. Grandparents 65 years before my grandfather died. It's just what I feel I'm supposed to do.
But having said all that, I do genuinely like the concept of unconditional love and commitment.