Originally Posted by
MrsD 
as if he was driven to do it.
He is. Trust me, he is.
Alcoholism drives EVERYTHING an alcoholic does. It is also progressive, which means that unless/until he makes a REAL commitment to recovery, this is the best you are ever going to get from this relationship. Eating your autistic son's food right in front of him is abusive behavior. Your kids ARE being affected by this.
You don't have to make any immediate decisions. My suggestion is that you learn all you can about alcoholism--right here at SR is a great place to begin. There is also an excellent book called "Under the Influence" that is good primer on alcoholism. AA's "Big Book" is another good read--you can read that online here:
Big Book Online. Second, I would suggest you find an Al-Anon meeting and start going to that. It's great to be able to talk face-to-face with other people who "get it" and to learn what you can do to help YOURSELF.
Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do to hurry along his desire to get sober. Some people never get there.