Hi Emma, very sorry to hear about your troubles. Based on your post I ascertain that you are a very intelligent woman, and are light years ahead of most of us in your realization that alcohol is providing a mask that hides the past. What you experienced is horrible, but you have the strength to address it, sort it out, and move forward. If going to university (I believe that's an English term?) concerns you, hold off. University will always be there, because yes, there will be alot of free time and alot of alcohol. You are more important than anything else. Keep us posted. Best wishes.