shelton....controlled drinking does not work with an alcoholic. Total abstainence combined with diligently working a program in order to make the internal changes that can help maintain sobriety is the effort that is necessary. Recovery is more than just white knuckling for periods of time.
The last thing an alcoholic wants to admit is that controlled drinking does not work. Inability to control drinking is the very heart of the disease, however.
If he is still drinking...he is still thinking like an alcoholic. So, all the measures that a typical alcoholic uses to protect their drinking will continue.....like lying and projecting blame onto others, etc...
I think it will help you to educate yourself on how this disease behaves and p rogresses so that you can keep your expectations realistic. It goes counter to normal logic.
I appreciate how deflated you must be feeling. It is truly a family disease and the fallout affects everyone that is close to the alcoholic.
As you know, by now....you can't control him. It will be up to you to protect yourself and your children.
I am glad to hear that you are getting support. This is simply too hard to go alone....
dandylion