Hello MTK, Welcome!
I am sorry for what brought you here but so glad you found the forum. It is a step in the right direction.
I have been married to my AH for 16 years, it has been quite the roller coaster ride.
I don't quite get the feeling anyone here would suggest you leave your AH, I know they never suggested that to me when I joined. What is important is that you find what is best for YOU. If your environment is violent then yes, you would leave for your own safety. But this is your recovery, you decide what is best for you. We can offer support and suggestions
Alanon might not be for you, keep your options open. I know I hated it before I absolutely LOVED it. It truly saved my sanity.
I wish you all the best and hope you keep coming back!!