Originally Posted by
Tear 
Called to get into a substance abuse program from the local hospital and all they offer are group therapy and 3 12 step program meetings a week. Ughh. The 12 steps doesnt work for me
Then the ball is in your court, as they say. You don't want to go back to AA. Want to do this on your own. Fine. But as I look back over your posts, you've struggled with doing it on your own.
If you are going to continue doing this on your own--and it can be done--you better come up with a recovery plan that supports your decision to quit. And you better identify the failure points in your current "plan" so you can fix them and start accumulating some sober time.
I understand you are being triggered by your wife's health issues. But that just makes your sobriety that much more important. People are counting on you. Don't stand in the way of your own recovery.