Digging your "word vomit." It helps so much to be able to get online and just write whatever comes to mind, to look for people who can empathize and sympathize with your feelings when you are feeling so alone that will affirm you are not alone! The emotions ebb and flow, from elation to absolute despair - and everything in between. It's part of the healing process, the grieving process, and it sucks the life out of you to go through an emotional roller coaster.
You feel so used and so confused about why someone who you loved and you did everything for seemingly abandoned you and is just moving on with out even turning back and you sit there, hurt, angry, confused. I get it. I have been there and go there every so often. I find myself crying at home when no one else is there for what seems to be no good reason and I'm 6 months in to leaving my ex-AH. I have been nearly no contact since Thanksgiving.
The negative emotions, the bad ones, the self loathing, low self esteem, woe is me, Ohmygod why emotions started to really become few and far between when I cut out any contact with anyone who may have contact with my ex-AH. His family wasn't isn't to shake off since none of them reached out to me when I left, but if you are a friend of a friend of a friend, forget about it. It was hard at first but I realized I couldn't move on until I got as REAL as he did. His reality is that he abandoned me for drugs, even though I technically left him, he left me a long time ago (if he was ever really with me). So I had to get real - there was no point in looking over my shoulder to see if he was OK, who he is/was seeing, whether he was getting help or not, or if he was smart enough to realize what a prize he was losing when I finally threw in the towel. I DEACTIVATED all social media - instagram, facebook gone. I would not be tempted to creep on his page, his girlfriend's page, his mom's page, his brother's page because I couldn't. I have reeled in my social network to the people who are physically in my life, who I talk to on the phone, who I have coffee with. I just act as if it doesn't exist - I don't need to know what isn't going on in my direct sphere of existence. If you aren't a part of it, there is a reason.
So, swim, walk, listen to music, create, draw, take up some random martial art or yoga... substitute your thoughts and emotions with outlets to release that energy in healthy ways and the bad stuff will start to go away.
I wish you healing - fast healing. I know it hurts. But, you are not alone and it WILL go away in time.