It ends when we declare it over. I realized I had spent an embarrassing amount of time living in denial that things would improve, that there was something I could say or do that would make a difference. All the while life got slowly, steadily worse (a friend later said it was like I got in the elevator and pushed the down button.) The big shift happened after x number of Alanon meetings when I saw clearly the problem wasn't the alcoholic. It was me. Hey, I picked him and stayed.
It's all a process and change doesn't happen as quickly or easily as one wants. But we do change and today I know I'd never settle for another screwed up person.