Zen,
I've been trolling for the past few days. I've wanted to post so I could feel I'm not alone in this situation but I have yet to find the place to post until now...I'm at 35 year old mother of 3. At this time I am now staying at my sister's home because my husband has a restraining order on me and I haven't seen my 3 kids in almost a week.
My story is very, very complicated, hence why I have not posted yet. I am the daughter of an alcoholic father who beat her. I was raised by my grandfather because my mother wasn't competent and my father was abusive. I still went with my father every weekend and witnessed his drinking and had to deal with his abuse.
I used to be a normal, moderate drinker with the occasional night out that I drank too much. I met my husband 9 years ago and he was having emotional affairs (texting other girls inappropriately, sending nude photos etc) 6 months into the relationship. That was when my drinking escalated. I should have left him but I didn't.
Since then I have endured multiple episodes of his emotional cheating and lying. I drank more. I kicked him out, we went to therapy, we got back together....round and round and you have 9 years of this. I blame him for my alcoholism and he blames me for his cheating (lack of sex from me).
Last Sunday, after I had realized that we need to separate because our relationship is toxic...I got drunk, blacked out and started an argument over the 3 guns he left out of the gun safe. This is the second time he did this in 2 months and he was warned the first time not to let it happen a second because I am anti gun and I have 3 kids in the house plus whatever friends they have over.
That night I blacked out and I guess started arguing over the guns. I ended up hitting him repeatedly and he called the cops. I resisted arrest because I was so scared. He now is living in my home (that I bought with my inheritance before we married). He's granted temporary custody of my kids and my home.
My daughters 3rd birthday is on Tuesday and I am not going to be with her. My son's 14th birthday is this Saturday and I'll get to see him for a few hours. I cannot believe where I am now. I am scared. I just want to go home, without him, and be with my kids.
Also, as an fyi he's even told the police I'm no danger to my children. I've never hurt them, yelled at them because of my alcohol. I don't even drink until they go to bed...which is not an excuse but a reason why I should be with my children.
You sound scared and like you've had enough! I'm not with my kids and that's reason enough for me to have had enough. I just wanted you to know that you're post helped me reach out and I hope I'm able to continue to! Thank you and best wishes!