Thank you all so much for your kind words and support and encouragment.... it has brought me to tears.
I hope my boyfriend can forgive me..... I certainly don't deserve him after treating him so cruelly. I talked with my son and told him that I'd had too much to drink and wasn't behaving like myself and that that is why I've been trying to quit. He should not of witnessed us fighting..... never would of happened had I been sober. Very very humbling conversation.
I need to stay present in each moment and not pick a drink and maintain the absolute firmest commitment to permanent abstinence.