Zenchaser-you're getting into a really bad cycle and I am worried about you.
How are you going to deal with things differently this time?
Seriously, do NOT let alcohol be an option. Toss it out and DO NOT pick more up.
I've been where you're at in terms of picking back up again. I almost did not get out of that cycle when I was first on SR, but think I got lucky. You have the power to stop this, but you have to make some decisions that do not allow alcohol in and you have to commit to that sobriety. It's really hard, but you NEED to do this, not just for you, but for your family. Otherwise, you're going to keep going on the path you're going. With continued use and abuse, the road is not pretty. PLEASE commit to being sober today.