Originally Posted by dandylion

pink....Fears of abandonment are often partially conscious or sometimes, completely unconscious. I mentioned this as a direct answer to a statement that you made.

Your speaking about your mind just spinning...that is a description that is often used here..particulalily, by those who have been in an abusive or overwhelming situation for a period of time. I believe that your isolation contributes to this, significantly.
We need the presence of others (normal others) for proper "mirroring" to take place. Without it...and,in the presence of abuse and fear...we just get our self-conficence and self esteem pounded into dust. We start to lose our normal protective defences--out ego boundaries...our sense of our own self.

I can absolutely understand how you have gotten to this place, emotionally.

dandylion