Originally Posted by
dandylion 
pink...I think that the central reason for the "crazy part" is the primitive fear of aloneness and abandonment.
That is probably far more frightening than the crap that he throws at you. Even when he is throwing crap...at least you know that SOMEONE acknowledges your existence. (and you might even get an occasional crumb as an added bonus). That is powerful stuff.
dandylion
You know, Dandy, I DO have abandonment issues thanks to my dad being an alcoholic and abandoning our family when I was 12yo and then starting a new life and living as if we never existed.
BUT I look forward to moving on. I look forward and for the past 6 months or so, I LOVE being left alone, by him and everyone. I want to be alone.
I DO worry that I will be alone (without a romantic partner) for the rest of my life and that stems from fears relating to my facial and teeth disfigurement.
But I can realistically sometimes even see that as a positive, as I want to be able to live my life on my terms, without any control or input from anyone.
I see some truth to what you are saying, then again I don't.
I DO feel like my mind is a mess and a lot of the time my mind is just spinning. And I feel like I can't make good decisions and/or maybe what I'm thinking is not quite right.....