You sound a lot like me. I have dated and even married, an ex crack addict/alcoholic, a narcissist that kept me strung along for 6 years, my first bf died in a car accident on the way back from a Grateful Dead concert (drugs), my highschool sweetheart was a meth addict (and I right along with him.... that was YEARS ago), my ex and father to my children who is an ex meth addict but still very much angry and emotionally and mentally abusive, and now my current xabf, who, is never really mean, but is always talking about the end of the world and is very insecure (I hear it gets worse over time; I believe those that said that)....
So, here I am.... Seeking out all the recovery and tools I can get because I refuse to spend ONE MORE SECOND of my life going through any of this again! Ugh! NOT the love I want. WE deserve better. WE are worth more. WE have a whole life ahead of us, and today, we can take it one day at a time, as we discover all the little things that add up to a really healthy life.
Welcome!