Hello all this is my very first post pleased to join you!
since the age of 21 I have been out mostly with drinkers
I married a fellow of 2 alcoholic parents
He beat me up a lot and head butted me even while pregnant
We split while our children only babies
I was very naive and gullible and charmed very easy with a little attention
when the guy would have me 100% then they would go off with other women or abuse me
It took 27 years for me to realize I was not in love with my many loser boyfriends and that I was infact addicted in an obsessive way that would drive them away.
I realise I met the guys from relationships Id had while out socialising where there was alcohol
I love to dance and drink although Im not an alcoholic
I do have addictions mostly drowning my emotions in the past when I used to be a smoker and a foodie many years ago
These days I open up and talk and cry a terrible lot
I think Im quite bipolar
I did not date for many years and did many therapies and tried many medications for anxiety
I stopped medication about 5 years ago
I started dating and it was very brief and he was cruel and controlling
I would describe him as having no empathy
I then met the alcoholic who has discarded me
we finished a few weeks ago
It was then I realized this pattern of codependancy
false gods who I was addicted to sexually mostly
and confused it all with love
Now Iam going through withdrawals from my boyfriend
I thought I loved him so much
He held me so tight
for just a few months it felt like real love
Every day I break down sometimes in a supermarket
in the car
just anywhere
Its got worse since we both stopped texting 3 days ago after he stringed me along with hope of seeing him
Everything was wonderful till he got soooo drunk while out he didnt even realise I was out with him
He used a technique on me where he started to ignore me
He said I was intense
This only happended after he was constantly demanding immediate replys from me when he texted
I got addicted to his attention
I feel very upset like he set me up
Im having trouble not breaking down
I went back on meds as I felt anxiety sometimes while on previous phone calls with him
Hes very stubborn
Doesnt want me
He will phone maybe when hes drunk and horny and doesnt get anyone
Im not going to be used. Im not so stupid
I tried blocking him but couldnt do it as it was too suffocating
Im praying he doesnt get in touch ever
As Im not strong enough
Im trying to get outside interests I will not contact him as I did at the beginning when I said some bad things to him as I was so hurt.
I think he has many problems drinking nightly emotionally stunted and money problems
so couldnt cope with me as well
many thanks for listening
