Butterfly,
I do not know where your treatment focus is at with your therapists but the more I read the more I think that you may need to be exploring the anxiety and resulting obsessive thoughts more aggressively.
Most of us experience anxiety and some level of obsessing at this stage but when I read your posts it seems less of a symptom of co-dependence and relationship upheavel and more of an underlying issue all on its own that will continue to work against your al-anon type recovery if it isn't treated.
Untreated mental health issues can sometimes take away our ability to follow through with our choices.
As always - if this does not apply, leave it behind!