Originally Posted by soverylost

I think Blue did an excellent job summing up what I also felt about the couples characterized in the beginning of the book. It was more like a clinical analysis, almost detached to me. As the wives didn't want to leave, the therapist worked with them to eliminate the abuse.

I have tried the mapping, and found it to be very true to my H. I have tried mapping as an experiment - first trying to work positively with him, and then the next time detaching. I find, at least for my husband, that we both work better when we both find more positive paths. He has also adopted a way like this with me, interestingly enough ... I build walls when we argue or talk about sensitive issues and he will recognize that, and try to take me down a more positive path before I build a wall or begin to hide behind it.

I know some think this is manipulation, but it's not ... when he is doing this for me, I can see what he's doing. I know that he's purposely taking a more positive path, that I'm perhaps at yellow or coming close to yellow light with my walls, and it's very obvious that he is trying to influence me to get back to green. And it's my choice to go down that road with him or continue on to my red light.