glitterdeva, thank you for sharing your story -- there are so many parallels to mine (and so many others, I'm sure). I, too, obsessed (and still do at times) -- why is he avoiding me? What dose of Suboxone is he on? Why isn't he taking recovery more seriously? On and on... Intellectually, I know what you and others say is true -- there is nothing I can do to help him and I should trust my gut. Emotionally, it's just so hard when you care for someone so much. As I mentioned, I am in therapy with an amazing therapist and, at his nudging, went to my first Al-Anon meeting yesterday and look forward to attending regularly. I haven't practiced enough self-care in my lifetime and certainly not when all of this unfolded and it's more important than ever now.
I know that my boyfriend should not be mixing Suboxone and Klonopin and the fact that he is using and/or has so many substances around him (Suboxone, Klonipin, Flexeril, pot, alcohol) is almost a no-brainer, huh? He just speaks with such certainty that drug abuse is behind him and I believe he believes it's that easy and simple, but it makes me wary.
I am sorry for your pain and sadness and appreciate your willingness to share your experience to help those like me.