New to SR
I came here looking for help in coping with my A family member (former husband, father of my son). I do not have any past experience with addiction in my family, so I didn't see the signs until WAY too late. I fled with our son (7), got a divorce, remarried, and I am happily and comfortably living life away from XAH.
It's been 4 years since the divorce. My XAH has spiraled downward with his disease. He has been hospitalized (detox) three times in the past year. He nearly died each time. He almost instantly relapses whenever he is released and moves home by himself.
The last time he detoxed was in September of last year. He then went to a rehab of sorts but his medical problems were too much for them to deal with, so he went into a hospital program, then to a nursing home for physical rehab. He was released to his devices in November, just before Thanksgiving. By Dec. 1 he had a job - the first in more than 2 years. He was attending AA.
By mid-January, it was clear that he was becoming over-confident in his recovery. He was demanding to see our son - overnight visit. I decided at the end of January to allow it. My son called after dinner at his dad's house and told me that his father was asleep and couldn't be awakened, and that he had found a bottle of vodka. I went and picked up my son, left my XAH there passed out, and haven't heard from him since.
I talked to a mutual friend yesterday and found out XAH lost his job last Friday. I called his sisters and told them that, and that we should take this opportunity to let him hit bottom by doing nothing - no help to save the house and car, no money to pay his child support, no cash or groceries or rides or whatever, no running to the rescue. They all agreed.
Now I am trying to end my Codie ways and learn more about how to make life normal and beautiful for our son. He's a sweet boy. I've been honest with him about his father's struggles. My husband is sober and I am sober (neither of us have any addictions). Hopefully I can break the cycle.
I am grateful to be here, among so much wisdom, compassion and love.