Night&Day, I feel like reading myself when I read your post. So if it is any consolation, you are not the only one. I am five month sober (an achievement for me believe me) what do I really do different this time besides going to meetings, sponsor, step work... I am kind to myself. I am learning to care for myself. This time around, I am self-respectful and acknowledge how hard recovery is. I give myself credit for what i am doing instead of feeling ashamed like in the past.not sure if it makes sense but hopefully it helps a little