Thanks everyone for your thoughts and for welcoming me to SR. It feels good to share without feeling judged. All of your comments helped me realize that I am so busy looking for answers to specific questions, hoping I'll hear what I WANT to hear...making myself "crazy" in the process. Esspee, you are so insightful and I am amazed at how well you assessed my role in this -- prior to this, I have been in an emotionally fragile state due to other personal issues and I do have a history of taking on more responsibility than my partners in past relationships (none of which involved an addict). This experience is dragging me down and, you are right, it will never do for him, me or us. Muunray, with one question, you've really caused me to pause and think hard on the matter. Ann, thank you for the warmth in your words. I am sorry for your situation with your son...thank you for your willingness to take that experience and offer your firsthand knowledge to me. I have a lot to think about and will continue to peruse this site to help. I can't say I know what I'll do in this moment. I am regularly seeing a great therapist and plan to attend an Al-Anon meeting as well. Thank you all again.