Originally Posted by
sauerkraut 
I've read the first few chapters of the book and have some responses, both negative and positive.
In the negative column goes the authors' characterization of two typical couples. We're told that Manuel "expected [Clarisse] to satisfy his sexual desires regardless of her own feelings and, when she resisted, physically forced her to have sex with him" (12). I checked the book's publication date, thinking maybe it was published in the 1950s, which might explain why the authors characterize being married to a rapist as a relationship that "didn't satisfy [Clarisse's] needs." Understatement, to put it mildly? The book was published in 2004, so it doesn't get cut any slack for regressive attitudes.
The story of "Kathy and Jim," also introduced in Chapter 1, includes an equally sexist (I think) issue. The authors write that Kathy "was afraid to approach Jim about his drinking because the last time she did, he hit her" (18).
I have a hard time accepting the authors blase attitude toward rape and assault and the implication that these women should even try to change their abusers' behavior. It smacks of sexism and victim-blaming, in my view.
Thats an interesting take on it. When I read it I think of it more from the standpoint of understanding this is a doctor describing the facts of the case.
With Clarisse, she came to him for therapy and he discovered she had been in an abusive relationship for 13 years. He made a large amount of money, she was financially dependent on him. She entered therapy for help and made a decision to use Craft as part of the overall plan. What happened was a good example of craft I think. She began to work on herself and probably regain self esteem and strength. The dr states it took her months to work up the courage to tell her husband she was in therapy but she did ,so its a good sign. Meanwhile she had used craft techniques to modify her own behavior around him and her husband began to notice. After she told him about her therapy, he wanted to meet her doctor. From this he began his own therapy and eventually stopped drinking. She started taking college classes and becoming more independent, all while working with her husband on their marriage. She vocalized to him she would never tolerate abuse again and would end their marriage if it happened. The dr notes this as a seemingly hopeless case with a positive outcome. I think because of the longstanding issues of abuse and financial dependency but with treatment the situation improved.
I know with my therapist, what usually happened was not anything like telling me what to do, how to think, but guiding me through and giving me things to think about so I could make my own decisions. I have a feeling if Clarisse husband had not made an effort to seek help and change his behavior, ended all abuse. She would have found the strength to leave him, as she grew stronger.
I cant remember all of the other story in full, had something in it about fishing I think! Ha but I think when your talking about substance abuse there is often verbal and sometimes physical abuse involved. I do know the book doesnt exclude people in abusive relationships from using craft but I think there are warnings and advice to seek further professional help if this is happening in a persons life. this book isnt about domestic violence, but does include stories of people who have used craft while in an abusive relationship involving substances.