Originally Posted by
NightNDay 
I want it...or maybe I don't, because I don't seem to be doing what's required to try to maintain it.
There you go. More important than trying to understand
why you relapse is understanding why you are failing at sobriety. And if you aren't doing the things that support your decision to not drink, then you are bound to return to your old fallback position...drinking.
You aren't hopeless, but you are certainly unfocused on staying sober. Get that focus and commitment back.